Self help 

Self hate 

If you don’t try self help you self hate

A vicious circle that carries a negative weight

Like a hamster running around one of those stupid wheels

Left constantly checking in on how you feel

You want to peel away all the layers you have built up but don’t quite know where to begin 

Praying to a god you don’t believe in

You feel dirty, want to hide this little secret, this sin

Angry with yourself and with society for putting all the pressures on – desperate, you see your mind and the patriarchy starting to win

You’re fat, your too thin, you’re self conscious, you do too much on a whim 

Glances in the mirror you find yourself loathing every little thing: skin, boobs, bum, tum

It takes over for a while; transports you out the room – a vortex – until you’re back

Hurt as you reminisce on the self hate you permeate

A sharp slap on the face –  until you start to feel the sweet sun seep onto your skin

You come back to that mirror – with love and a subtle grin

Reminding yourself to breathe you continue to believe that one day all these thoughts and feelings will leave